P P P Pachenko

Pity those poor poor celebrates, caught in a life forever in flux whether its desperately convinced that they need to buy just one more house, having to convince their friends that your new group isn't a cult ohh nooo it can't be, the leader says so, or having to yet again sue papers for printing story's that have taken your publicist months to think up......all of these things take time and money, but how do you earn this thing called money (please say in a spock style "this thing called emotion is...strange" way)? Adverts, adverts adverts, but of course they can't make too many adverts in their own countries ohh no that would be embarrassing and demeaning. So where can they go to be safe in the knowledge that no one will ever see it..
Well DURRR Japan of course, no one's going to see your incredibly cringe inducing cash in of your name here obviously.
Well sadly thanks to the powers of the tinterweb you can't hide... ever
seriously somewhere out there, there's almost certainly footage of you whether you think so or not, heck even fabled lost tribes in the Amazon are probably caught on film somewhere (actually thinking about it that's almost for certain considering, well you know the whole lost tribes angle) and if your a celebrity ohhhh there's going to be at least one person pressing play on that video recorder...
So I've seen Scarlett Johanson pretend to drink scolding hot coffee whilst walking, Jack Bauer running around shouting all whilst trying to tell us that eating calorie mate is the only thing that keeps him going for 24 hours (and I presume stop him from going toilet or sleeping, hmmm what do they put in that Calorie mate? actually they are fantastic adverts watch them here) and the 2 worst offenders Bruce willis and Richard Gere (who I am now convinced doesn't actually have a career outside of adverts anymore, if I'm wrong please call me, Richard) flog me everything from cars, coffee to credit cards.. Heck even Tommy Lee Jones is the (grumpy) face of coffee.

But Nicolas cage's effort... wow....Here's a man whose recent movie career suggests that he picks his films and directors blind folded whilst juggling, but for for these adverts gives his best ever performances....ever! for Pachenko parlours (where Japanese people go to loose serious amounts of money on the dropping of tiny tiny silver ball bearings) seriously I presume this is why he couldn't be arsed to give any kind of performances for his latest films as hes emotionally drained from these brilliantly unhinged performances that channel everything that made him great in things like wild at heart and Raising Arizona....
Nicolas Cage well done sir you have managed to claw your way into my good books, and that my friends is a good thing. Now I'm off to watch the best bits from the wicker man.. altogether now "how 'd it get burned?? how'd it get buuurnnnnneddd"

Here's two of my favourites. Also check out Arrrnnnooolds terrible shouty health drink advert (and cue manic laughter) Ringo stars amazingly un humerous mis communication (showing that actually yes he was the least tallented one, who would have thought!), John Travolta showing that he really needed the work during the 80's.