All you can crab...part one

hmm blogging, blogging errr something I think I used to do hmm I think it involved some sort of sink plun... oh no wait I remember yes that was it, before these cold days of frost and shouty children I used to ramble on the tinterweb

Hmmm anyway I promised long long oohh so long ago I would get round to writing about my Christmas trip to Fukui Prefecture, the fact that I've already forgotten about Christmas may mean this post if full of errr and arhhh but then usually they are full of hmmmm so no real change there then, although perhapes before anything else I should set the scene.

Recently I've come to the conclusion my life is governed by food, not just in a need to live way oh no that would be far to easy, more constantly thinking of things to cook, ways to improve flavours and pondering exactly what is broiling, these things take up far far faaarr too much of my time, and I suspect every new recipe I store in my brain pushes a small piece of information out (goodbye Japanese for "oh no I need help", hello recipe for lasagna) . But this obsession seems somewhat pale in comparison with the Japanese obsession with Crab. Or rather Japanese spider crabs.
At certain points in the year you can't change channels without some advert for Crab legs, gleaming crab bodies or, shudder, crab miso usually on things where they really don't belong. or worse still some presenter ripping apart elongated legs with their teeth who then suddenly look as if they have seen (and felt) the second coming and exclaim "OIIIISHIIIIIII" (and sadly not this food presenter). Actually Japanese TV is dominated by these type of food programmes where presenters appear to have been chosen for their ability to pull faces and how high they can raise their voices!!! If you ever become a Japanese celebrity (and of course you would have a valuable insight on how by reading this blog first tip is currently just wear a pair of tight pants) you have about a year of massive publicity, celebrity wrestling, mobile phone charms, that all important hit single and then obscurity often with the phrase "H.G whooooo?" After that you trudge around one cooking show to the next exclaiming how each and every new food is better and tasties than the last... still there's a free meal in it for you I suppose.
Anyway yeah crab crab crab, and Fukui prefecture, located north of Shiga and next to the Japanese sea is full of crab restaurants, special dishes and the all important all you can eat (as long as its crab) halls. As soon as you step off the train your surrounded by photos of crabs, descend the train station stairs and the newsagents sells box of crabs sit on the bus and people are jostling next to you carrying big boxes of... well its not chicken lets just say that anyway its in this long legged loving errr location that we descended and at that lets leave part one.
oh but one more thing

Super special new year headmaster room watch!

Today I had the special honour of being allowed into the headmasters room for a review and feedback session, and while I was given full marks and muchos compliments (thank you thank you) what really caught my eye was some of the contents of his room soooooo in the spirit of which

Headmaster room watch! Lined up on his sideboard were three items that perfectly sums my headmaster up, which one from the list below is false.

A) A large collection of important documents.
B) a bottle of lighter fluid.
C) weight lifting bar bells.
D) some bright blue bottle of strong aftershave.

Things to come and things to miss.

Well apparently a MASSIVE tyhpoon is on it's way just in time for the weekend so I'm presumin that I'm in for the usual apartment shaking, strange whistling noises and storm shutters over the windows during the next few days hurrarr. In a strange way I actually quite like typhoons theres something exhilarating about seeing the force of nature slamming itself into the earth all around you. Of course there's something less exhilaration about having to ride your bike through the rain and howling winds as you have to duck birds flying/blown at your head. It does remind of the time last year when I made a small fool of myself when I asked my teacher and his class what the Japanese was for Typhoon, cue lots of pondering looks and a very slightly bemused one from my teacher. (by the way, the answers Typhoon)

It should (hopefully) be only a week left till I head back to blighty for my hols YEAHH (hmmm hols in blighty does sound a little strange doesn't it) So apart from hiring out the pope mobile and touring the country waving I haven't made too many plans. See the family, attend any gigs that might be on, eat chips you know the usual. Anyway obviously while I'm away all the best things are happening in Japan so I thought I'll have a series of posts on things I'm missing while away, cunningly entitled "Things I'm missing while away" you know this stuff just writes itself

Part one - Otsu fireworks display.
Well if there's one thing the Japanese do quite well (apart from play sports no one else plays (see handball, soft tennis oh and almost baseball) it's fireworks. Most people have ohhhed and arrhhhed at some sort of display but the Otsu fireworks display was the best display I've ever seen, it wasn't just the setting of the lake side surrounded by thousands of people but the actual intricacy of the display. The way the fireworks twisted in the shape of flowers, animals far more skillfully than I've ever seen in England, oh and the fact that it went on for almost an hour I was never bored just made it cool.

Oh and this may all have changed but last time I was in blighty you had to practically had to have written permission from the mayor and a signed photograph of the queen, but in Japan you can buy fireworks from the local 24 hour family mart store (although true they are slightly less power full from the ones you buy in England often labeled things like ARMAGEEEDDDDOOON!!! (that usually fizzle out) still handy when you get that craving to burn something at 4 in the morning. Anyway its difficult to describe fireworks display (usually going, and this blew up, and then we went ohhh and then that blew up and we said arrhhhh) So hopefully these videos will give a good impression of what I'm missing.

New season/New horrows. Part 3 Along came a.....

So the blanket of heat that, along with most things in Japan (animals, seasons probably some vegetables), attempts to suck all the fluid out of your body is still amongst us. The rainy season is providing not only some slippery bike rides but also brings out spiders....oh but not normal spiders my friend, as after all this is Japan, but massive longed legged beasties that look as if they just been shot to Earth on the back end of an asteroid. You know a lot of people assume that Godzilla is inspired from the horrors of nuclear war that tramples all underfoot, but no I actually think the inspiration comes from the many many ohhhh so many beasties that seemed to be off massive size in Japan all quite happy to chase you whether you like it or not.
Anyway with the recent rains, suddenly the streets, trees some very slow moving old people are covered with shimmering web, now I know you get big spiders in England but there's just something so alien about some of the ones here, their patterned bodies, long pointed legs and massive massive oohhhhhhhh so massive webs. Last year I saw a web so big that it had caught a dragonfly in it! I presume thats another reason they make elementary school students wear those yellow hats, so they can see if them if they get trapped in one of the webs.
I currently have a bet with one of my teachers over who can find and photograph the biggest spider, so far I am sadly the winner with the one on my balcony whose body is bigger than a one yen coin

Yeah these aren't the best pictures so you'll just have to use your imagination that everymorning you leave your house and find these beauties waiting for you. However just think at least they're keeping the mosquitos and hornets at bay, and for that my hairy long legged friends (I am talking about the spiders by the way) I salute you.

New sessions/New horrors Part 1 of many

There are a few things you hear a lot whilst living in Japan, "Can you can use chopsticks?" or "Can you eat sushi?" or "You have a very small head!", I've been here for almost 2 years and I still get asked the first two questions by teachers, and the last one is supposed to be a compliment OKAY!!! Whilst some people suggest this may be some form of discrimination (not against small headed people I should add) I prefer to think that its the Japanese version of "lets talk about the weather" an opening into a conversation that they all know how to say, although as most of these questions are asked at Enkais the next step is the drinking of sake where questions get more difficult and far more slurred.
Anyway
One other thing your guaranteed to hear is "Japan has four seasons" now I've traveled a bit, I'm (now) 28 years on this Earth and I'm pretty sure most places have four seasons, but most teachers I've spoken to insist that Japan has four distinct season from anywhere else....ERR okay I take it in English the seasons go cold, not so cold, not not so cold, not so cold back to cold but still really??? I actually think that seasons and particually today where its cold and windy don't quite cover the Japanese year, theres only one thing or rather a collection of things that truely reflect "when" in Japan and thats what animal is currently circling your head or preparing to jump at you

Back in blighty I live near the country side so I'm used to sheep, cows and angry red faced men but still the most exotic thing I saw in my garden was a grass snake. so it's certainly an experience to come to Japan and find so many things crawling, swimming, flying and buzzing at you. So I now present the first in hopefully a loooong series in a rough guide to knowing what that thing on your tatami mat is and whether you need a shot for it.
part one; Spring.

Oh spring time for new born lambs to play in the fields, birds to chirp from the trees
but this is Japan where things are armour plated, usually of massive size, have no fear of man; or all three.

Mukades You know how they say "All animals are gods creatures, except wasps, wasps are bastards" (well Saxondale says it) add Mukades to that list of bastards,
Think a centipede but bigger, sometimes muuuuuch bigger, now think it has two heads, yeah I'll say that again TWO HEADS. One on each end so that an enemy (me) can't tell which end will bite you and which one wishes it could bite you. Oh yes they bite.
oh and Mukades can apparently climb walls and ceilings. OH and they also come in pairs!!
Oh and the very best bit?? !! Mukades are apparently attracted to CO2 you know that stuff that comes out your mouth whilst your lying on your back asleep.
Now before you all start worrying I should say that Mukades generally are only 3-4 inches long, and the ones we've found have been slow thanks to the poison I've been putitng around. People say that if you put on alive into a small full bottle of oil it will produce an anti venom that helps sooth the rash and swelling caused by their bite. Well I say thats what doctors are for and find that actually bottle full of boiling water and bleech actually kills them off equally as well. Click here for a picture of a big mukade..If your brave,

Midges, Mukades are only seen on rare occasions, but midges ohhh midges how I hate theeeeeee. I live next to rice fields so theres nothing I hate more than riding home and ingesting buckets of the blighters however they do provide a handy meal for our next contestent. Something a lot nicer;
Bats! no wait, come on bats are cool, they eat all the annoying tiny flying things, they eat the bigger annoying flying things that eat your clothes, and all this in only the space of a few hours BATS ROCK!
In Blighty we had one bat that would have to do all the work (I don't obviously mean in the whole of England, there was at least 4 for that!), well here I love watching them in their tens if not hundreds in the ares all flying around collecting their crunchy insect rewards hmmmm crunchy. So next time you see a bat don't freak just remember its eating the flies that would be heading for your glass of wine.

Right this post is getting far to long Part 2 will follow soon